Quiet Your Inner Critic

What is an inner critic?

Your inner critic is essentially negative self-talk. It’s that voice inside your head that judges, criticizes, or reminds you of the mistakes and things you could have done better. It holds you up to unrealistic expectations and undermines your accomplishments.

It may say something like, “There’s no point in working out today because I’ll never look as good as the people I see on TV.” The goal of an inner critic is to keep us stuck which can lead to guilt, shame, and low self-esteem. To protect ourselves from these feelings, we may begin avoiding our triggers and may find we’re giving up during a hard task, not applying for a new job, or isolating ourselves. 

Tips to challenge and quiet your inner critic

Everyone has an inner critic, whether we like it or not. But we can begin to notice and challenge what they’re telling us…and here’s how:

• Identify how you’re feeling.  Experiencing a difficult emotion is often the easiest way to catch your inner critic in the act. When you start to feel bad, that’s a clue but try to name the feeling…Is it shame, or anxiety…or distraction? When you identify it, then it can loosen its grip (maybe gives more perspective).
• Take stock of your situation. Were you doing something that triggered these feelings? Understanding what situations trigger your inner critic can help you proactively manage them in the future.
• Notice your thoughts. When you encountered this situation, what thoughts ran through your head? Be as specific as possible. If it is a flurry, it may help to write them down.
• Check your thoughts. Just because you had a thought doesn’t mean it was true. Ask yourself if thoughts are unrealistic or flawed in some way…or perhaps predicting an unknown future. Be honest with yourself. What would you tell a friend if they shared these thoughts with you? For example, if your thought is: “I’m not going to get this project done on time…I’m a terrible employee and I may get fired.” Really? Would you never be able to find another job? Would you lose your home? Are these things likely? By doing this exercise, you can start to find flaws within your thoughts.
• Reframe your thoughts. Once you’ve identified the thoughts make you feel bad, it’s time to change them. Think about what would be a more helpful framing of the situation at hand. For example, let’s say you thought, “I was mean to Sarah today. I’m a bad friend for comments I made. How about telling yourself, she has a lot going on and I should have been more sensitive, so I’m going to call her and apologize.” This rephrasing strips away the shame. It also gives you a plan of action toward fixing your mistake.
• Talk back to your inner critic. No one has complete control over every single thought that goes through their mind. Talking to your inner critic like they’re another person can help offload blame and responsibility. For example, “I appreciate you trying to point out this issue but the way you word things is hurtful and unhelpful. Thanks, you can step back. I’ve got it from here.”

Most of all, remember: You’re not alone in having an inner critic and letting it get the best of you sometimes. When it starts to surface, tap into the tips above. And remember: If you continue to struggle, help is available. Consider reaching out to a trusted loved one or mental health professional. Your self-esteem is worth it. You’re worth it. 

Note to WHA members: feeling stressed from your inner critic? Download the stress management app, AbleTo. It’s free to members. For more from AbleTo and our behavioral health services and resources, go to mywha.org/bh. 

Resources: Excerpts by Writer Kaitlyn Pfiester, with comments from AbleTo Clinical Content Producer Sarah Dolling, LPC; and clinically reviewed by Hayley Quinn, PsyD, Senior Manager of Clinical Product Experience at AbleTo.